Cathy in the Wright

Signs Of Life

All cylinders are slowing starting to function once again. Yesterday I broke down and went to see my doctor. I like this woman quite a bit. We share a similar philosophy on medication: don't take it unless it's absolutely necessary. When I left her office, I had four prescriptions.

Guess I should have paid her a visit earlier.

I went to the pharmacy and decided I really only needed to fill two: antibiotics and the cough syrup with codine. I hesitated on the cough/codine elixir, but it's nice to have that tucked away for emergencies. The Senator once had a prescription for it and we discovered that anything that will make a coughing kid sleep through the night is more valuable than black market yellowcake. Doled out only for nighttime use in dire circumstances, we made that one bottle last three years. It would have lasted longer, but we shot past the expiration date. Nice to have a fresh supply.

Last night, I gave into temptation and tried the stuff myself. Oh sweet sleep. For the first time in a couple of weeks, my head hit the pillow and did not move until the alarm went off at six.

I awoke to golden sunlight filtering through the trees outside my window as a chorus of songbirds gathered on the sill to serenade me. Deer pranced in the lawn below and small woodland fairies scattered rose petals while fluffy grey squirrels tied garlands of tulips between the birch trees.

Or something like that. Tulips, being out of season, would have been pretty expensive.

I think I might need The VP to hide the cough syrup tonight.

Ugh

If someone would kindly remove my head, trachea, and several of the larger bronchial tubes...I would feel a lot better.

Thank you, preschoolers, you parasitic germ delivery systems.

For Andy & Tiffany

Learned Foot showed me where to make your own.

Scientific Discovery

Last night The Governor came down with the fever/flu that has been going around. I woke up at 1 a.m. to the sounds of, "I NEED Tylenol! BRING ME TYLENOL!"

There, there, my sweet little OxyContin addict...

About an hour ago I took his temperature. 102. I fought with him to take some Motrin, and he flopped back on the couch and moaned and wailed. I thought I was in for a long day. Until I promised him he could break house rules and play a little Xbox. Now he's sitting up, talking to the screen, and calling out his victories as he sabers his way through the different levels of Lego Star Wars I.

Apparently, having a Wookie beat the pants off a bunch of Storm Troopers beats a teaspoon of Ibuprofen hands down.

A Fine, Fine Weekend

About six months ago, I noticed a rather large dent in the back bumper of The VP's Suburban. I asked him about it.

How did that happen?

Oh, someone backed into me in a parking lot.

No way! Did you see them do it or did they leave you a note?

No. It was just that way when I came out of the restaurant.

They didn't leave you a note?! Jerk! When did that happen?

Couple of weeks ago.

Can't believe I just now noticed it. Did you file a police report for the insurance?

Naw. I'm not going to bother getting it fixed.

Man, I can't believe someone would do that and not leave a note. What an asshole.

I stewed and simmered for a couple of days about the criminal who damaged our car (because Minnesota Nice REQUIRES that you not only leave a note, but try and track down the owner in the restaurant before you leave) but as it didn't seem to bother The VP too much, I let it go.

Fast forward, if you will, to Friday evening. The Senator invited a friend to stay overnight. The boys and I picked up the friend and headed to the local pizza place for dinner. The VP was meeting us there. We parked in front of the restaurant and I said,

Well, Dad's here. That's his car right in front of us.

The Senator asked, "How can you tell?"

Oh, by the big dent in the back bumper.

"Oh yeah. He backed into a pole." I unbuckled my seatbelt and whipped around to face my son.

He what?

"Yeah, he backed into a pole."

He backed into a pole. And you were with him? You saw it?!

"Yep. Right behind the Pizza Factory."

He told me someone hit him in a parking lot!! I can't believe he LIED to me about this!

The boys scrambled out of the car and hurried into the restaurant to let The VP know he had been sold down the river.

I sauntered slowly down the sidewalk to the restaurant. Not easy when the temp is hovering right about seven. But I was warmed by an inner glow. The majority of screw ups around The Outpost can be directly traced back to something I did. To have The VP mess up and try and hide it was better than winning the lottery.

I walked in and floated over to the family. The VP was eyeing the back door, but it was too late. "You," I cheerfully bellowed, "are SOOOO busted!" The boys were giggling and The VP just hung his head and slid into a booth. I couldn't sit because I was too busy dancing a little jig in the aisle.

Next time I goof up something, all I have to do is mention the bumper. In fact, the bumper is going to be good for at least half a dozen of my next screw-ups.

Yes, it was a fine, fine, weekend.

Legislator Tries To Circumvent Mother Nature; Darwin Royally Miffed

First thing I read this morning:

A state senator from Brooklyn said on Tuesday he plans to introduce legislation that would ban people from using an MP3 player, cell phone, Blackberry or any other electronic device while crossing the street in either New York City or Buffalo.

I expect the "and chew gum" amendment any day.

Hope It's An Amazing Trip

In honor of my favorite cartoonist who has gone and imbedded himself in Iraq, I share one my top ten Day by Day panels:

Stay safe! I almost added "and warm," because it's -15 right now here at The Outpost, but I guess that's not a problem on your end.

Older, Wiser, Colder

Yesterday was one of the best birthdays I've ever celebrated. The Governor informed his preschool class that I'm "thirty-hundred years old." I predate Christ! (Great ice-breaker at any party.) To add injury to insult, he then proceded to get some sort of flu bug and threw up all over me around 11 p.m. last night. But hey...you know it's a great birthday when someone ends up with barf in their hair.

Today has been rather mellow. We've been watching a lot of Dungeons and Dragons. And I took a break to go get my driver's license renewed. The guy behind me in line was hopelessly confused. He needed to get his license back, but his probation officer had told him one thing, and someone else in DMV told him another. Where did he need to start? The woman helping me seemed to be the most competent person there, and she motioned him over and proceeded to give him some paperwork and phone numbers. Genuine help. He left, and she apologized to me for the interruption. No problem, I told her. Nothing like not having a probation officer to make one feel magnanimous.

Drove back home, allowing myself to exceed the speed limit once more now that I have a valid license, and took the dog for a very short walk. It's mighty cold right now. Seven degrees. But 7 is respectable. Yesterday I was told not to expect the high to be above zero. Tomorrow we're not supposed to warm up above minus 5.

Be quiet, Chris.

The rest of you...have a good weekend.