Cathy in the Wright

Ouch

Pit Bull 1 - Porcupine 137

Ewwwww

Mitch has a public bathroom post that reminded me of a tale. Last night after our soccer game, several of us went out for dinner, and we started sharing public toilet stories. Yes, we were done eating at this point. Mark had a good one and he swears it's true.

Mark said he and a buddy were using the men's room at a bar one evening and and they got the strange idea to start tossing coins in trough. Each time they went in, they tossed in some change.

Towards the end of the evening, they go in for a final trip, and a man is standing at the urinal relieving himself. All the money is gone. Mark and his friend start laughing and it makes the man paranoid, so he asks them what the joke is.

They explain about the money and the man starts laughing hysterically. He runs out of the bathroom and tells the guys to follow him. The man heads back to his table of friends and announces, "Hey everyone! I know where Bob has been getting all his quarters for pinball tonight!"

My Future Mobster

The boys and I spent a long day at the cabin. Lots of swimming and fishing and jet-skiing...we're all beat. We got home and both of them were so great about brushing their teeth and getting into pajamas that I told them they could watch a movie. The movie had to be something they both agreed upon, and so the haggling started:

Senator: Spiderman!

Governor: No Spiderman!

Sen: Well what do you want to watch?

Gov: Tom and Jerry.

Sen: No! No Tom and Jerry.

Gov: Yes Tom and Jerry!

You get the picture. I reminded them that they had to agree, or we'd skip the movie and just go to bed. Fear always brings out the best in The Senator, and when faced with the loss of a good hour and a half of television, he started using his noodle.

Senator: Gov, I'll make you a deal. I'll give you ONE DOLLAR if we can watch Spiderman.

Gov: A dollar?!

Sen: Yep. A whole dollar!

Gov: Okay!

Money changed hands and the Spiderman DVD was brought forth like the Eucharist at Sunday Mass. I was so proud that I'm saving my lecture on "Why You Don't Buy Off A Three-Year-Old With A Dollar When He Could Be Convinced That Grass Clippings Are Legal Tender" for tomorrow.

Good Parenting, Vol. I

I tried, but the boys weren't have anything to do with naps this afternoon. Instead, both of them passed out right after dinner. I'm just going to let them sleep. Sure, I'll be up at 4 am watching SpongeBob reruns, but it'll be worth it to sit here for the next couple of hours with a cold beer, a quiet house, and no one begging me to read My First Dictionary for the ninth time.

This next picture is funny. Or at least it is tonight. Tomorrow when I log in, I'll be wondering why I found it amusing. But for this evening...enjoy.

Still Here, Haven't Moved

Figures, doesn't it? Today looks like it's shaping up to be the nicest (read coolest) day in a week, and both kids are coughing and sneezing. I think we were about due for a lazy, boring day at home anyway. I was starting to feel like a gypsy; the past several mornings have started off with me packing up food, clothing, kids, and dog and heading somewhere in the car. You know it's bad when you could survive for two days off the half-empty water bottles and dropped french fries rolling around on the floor mats of your vehicle.

Had a great soccer game yesterday. The searing heat was offset by a brisk wind, so the 96 degree reading on the thermometer only felt like 92.

And speaking of soccer, I'm starting to get teams registered for fall soccer, so if you haven't responded yet to my emails (and you know who YOU are), let me know if you're going to play.

Time to go administer the meds. After lunch, I'm planning on irritating the boys and working them up into a good tantrum so I can declare "Nap Time!" Look for more posting later today.

I (heart) My Air Conditioner

The Muses, they have abandonded The Outpost. Inspiration is at low ebb these days. I blame the hot, humid weather. This weather is good for nothing more than climbing into the cab of your pick-up, rolling down the windows, turning up the volume on the country radio station, and driving to no particular place for no particular reason. An ice cold St. Pauli Girl (in foam can cooler as to prevent wet spot on the insides of your shorts) would complete the scene, but being illegal, it is not an officially endorsed part of the picture. Although if I got a jury trial out of it, there is not one peer for miles that would convict me.

The weather is affecting everyone strangely. The Governor has turned into Surfer Dude. "Mom, you are going to be soooooo busted when Dad gets home." That warning came after he got sent to bed last night without dinner. (Yes, Grandma, he deserved it. No, he didn't perish overnight.) He has also taken to calling me "Dude" when he's in a good mood. I don't mind it, but I kind of miss the phase where he was calling me "Sir" and saluting every time I told him to do something.

The Senator has taken to begging for a pool. Not a strange request in such hot weather, but a bit irritating seeing as we just spent thousands of dollars for 60 feet of lakeshore. I keep telling him, "Pool or pond. Pond would be good for you," but he's not a big Chevy Chase fan.

Right now they're both whining and crabbing about nothing important. If they're going to be this miserable anyway, I might as well send them out to weed the flower beds. Then they can wail and grind their teeth with some justification.

I'm off to look for a cold soda.

He Should Have Seen Me In College

I served macaroni and cheese for lunch today. The Senator thinks m&c is only served on menus that might also include manna, ambrosia, and nectar. The Governor believes mac and cheese is found between d-CON and Raid in the pest control aisle at Target. So The Gov was more than a little unhappy to discover that unlike his favorite restaurant...I wasn't offering a multitude of choices for the afternoon meal.

He got down off his chair, stomped out of the kitchen, and laid down on the living room couch where he started muttering to himself. Disparaging me kept him entertained for over half and hour. His top complaint, judging from the number of times I heard it was, "Mom is a BORING girl."

"Boring" is his favorite adjective these days, and he applies it liberally to anything he doesn't like. So I guarantee you life is going to be very boring this afternoon when The Senator and I are enjoying our ice cream and The Governor has to watch empty-handed.

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

Last night on the way home from the cabin, I told the boys that as soon as we got in the front door, it was time to put on pajamas, brush teeth, and get to bed. The Senator put up all the usual arguments: it's not 9 o'clock yet! It's still light outside! I'm not tired!

When he found my resolve unchanged, he slumped in his car seat and the tears started to well up in his eyes. He looked at me and with a voice that was hovering on the edge of crying he gave it one last shot:

Moooom. If you let me stay up later, I'll give you ten dollars from my bank.

Well what is a Mom to do? How could I see those big, sad blue eyes in my rear view mirror and not cave into that touching bit of bargaining?

Unfortunately for him, ten bucks doesn't buy a lot of extra time. After he paid me, he got to stay up long enough to brush his teeth, put on his pajamas, and pick up some toys he forgot to put away earlier.

Next time he'll remember to negotiate a better deal for himself.

Deserve Victory!

Did today's bombings in London serve as a bracing reminder of why our brave women and men are over in Iraq? Did this terrorist attack stir up feelings and emotions that have settled and grown complacent since September 11, 2001?

Good.

Channel your awakened energy and go do something to help our side win. Not ready to enlist? I've got you covered. You can still participate!

Tonight is ALL-AMERICAN TRIVIA night at Keegan's Pub in Minneapolis. Not only will you get to hob-nob with your favorite Minnesota bloggers* and perhaps beat them in a competitive game of trivia, but you will have the chance to help Soldiers' Angels, a wonderful organization that sends care packages to our troops overseas. Representatives from SA will be on hand to collect donations and a portion of the night's drink specials will go to the cause.

You read that correctly; drinking at Keegan's tonight will help in the war on terrorism.

If you can't be there tonight, click on the link to Soldiers' Angels and go over and find out how else you can contribute.

Deserve victory!

*I don't mean to intentionally mislead you here. I will be unable to attend, but there will be many other nearly as cool bloggers there tonight.

Close Your Eyes and Picture Marilyn

Happy Birthday, Mr. President....Happy Birthday to you.

On a Serious Note ...

Today, my nephew and The Chairman’s cousin left for Ft. Riley, Kansas, where he’ll train for two weeks and be posted to Iraq. I use the word posted advisedly, because Mike—a reserve sergeant—is part of the military’s mail delivery system. Thus, he won’t be charging through closed doors to find out what’s on the other side, but he will be transporting mail down dangerous highways. This is his second deployment, he was in Bosnia a few years ago.

Mike is one of those guys who makes the rest of the males in the family look bad. Mother-in-law needs the front porch rebuilt, and Mike’s there with tools he knows how to use. He’s a great husband to our niece, Kate, and wonderful father to their two young daughters. They’ll miss this gentle bear of a guy who coaches football and teaches high-school history in central Missouri. I haven’t snapped a salute since being mustered out of the Army in March 1961—until today, that is. Mike, I salute you and wish you well and safe return to your family.

Coming To The Discovery Channel...

I've been caught in the Wright County Triangle - a mystifying zone defined by three points: The Outpost, The Cabin, and Target. I haven't been able to stray beyond the boundaries for several days now. Someone will eventually find my Trailblazer on the side of Highway 55 in Buffalo...loaded to the brim with kitchen floor mats, household cleaners, bathroom towels, and, no doubt, our skeletons.

I can't wait until I walk into that cabin one day and don't have to start a list.

Last night marked our official first sleep-over night at the cabin. Perhaps I should say stay-over night. There wasn't much sleep involved. The boys share a room and a queen-size bed. The Senator stole the covers and The Governor awoke several times complaining of being cold. The Senator also laughs in his sleep, which annoyed The Gov almost more than the loss of the blanket. Then the storm started, and Hoocher decided to make several attempts to join someone...anyone...in bed. After being banished from our room, he jumped up on the boys bed. And woke up The Governor.

Remove dog, blockade doorways, rock Governor, back to bed. For about half an hour. The Governor is fussing; he needs a tissue. Fetch tissue. Forget to block door. Oportunistic dog takes advantage of my weakened state and launches back onto the boys' bed once I'm tucked into mine. #@!%

About 5 am I put The Gov in my bed and went to sleep with The Senator. And the dog. I got the laugh track for about an hour, and then all was finally silent.

We were going to have a big bacon and eggs breakfast to celebrate our first wake-up at the Cabin, but I opted for left-over blueberry muffins and doughnuts. I would have fed them Hershey chocolate bars and Kool-Aid if they'd asked for it.

And I think The VP wants to try staying over again tonight.

Send help.