Cathy in the Wright

Only In The Country

Last night my neighbor had a few gals over to watch the Oscars. Between savaging the red carpet fashions and lamenting the absence of good-looking Hollywood men, we were catching up on the happenings at our respective outposts.

Only at an Oscars party in the country could you hear the following:

Well, I jacked-off the dog last week because the artifical vagina was back-ordered. Wasn't fun. I've done lots of horses. They're easy. This was a disaster.

Our local veternarian is trying to breed her Alaskan Malamutes.

Dr. B made Chris Rock sound like a Benedictine monk.

Thanks, Tiff, for having us all over.

I've got another post up over at the MAWB Squad as well.

What The Well-Dressed Big Game Hunter Is Wearing

Combining safety with haute couture. And can this boy accessorize or what? I love the .44 stuffed in the waistband of his Pull-Ups.

The Governor and his brother are currently tearing around the house pretending to be hot on the trail of a dangerous leopard. The offending leopard is apparently trying to eat all the "unkey monkeys" in the forest and therefore must be destroyed.

I tried to give the game a politically correct twist. Why not trap the leopard and relocate him to another part of the forest. The Senator replied:

Mom, he'd just eat the Unkey Monkeys in that part of the forest.

Got me there. Okay, how about you trap the leopard and sell him to a zoological garden somewhere?

Nope. He'd eat the zookeepers.

M'kay. Well, you know I've always told you that I have no problem with hunting animals as long as you eat what you kill.

Leopard steaks!

Somedays you cannot win.

One More On The To-Do List

It is difficult these days to surf blogs and NOT find one or two new writers to add to your Links List. Here's another one. I found The Ohligarch over commenting on The MAWB Squad so I looked up his site. I hadn't realized that the MOB has opened satellite offices in other states. Thanks for all the links to The Family, Ohligarch!

Note to the family heads: we're well represented out East. See if you can do something about the Southwest.

Lands' End Cutting The Phone Cord

This is not good news for me. I'm not a big conspiracy theorist. Except when it comes to my computer. It's out to get me. Which is why I prefer to place orders over the phone. I love Lands' End, and I order from there frequently. Too frequently, The VP might argue. Can't let the terrorists win, I say.

Merchandising, design, inventory, quality and sourcing resources will be restructured into specialized functions, and Internet operations will be integrated into each area. The company said these changes will help Lands' End respond more quickly to the business and will ensure consistency across multiple shopping channels.

I knew when Sears bought Lands' End a few years back it was going to be bad. Sure, I was fooled at first. Hey, now I can go to Sears and try on LE stuff there! No need to return items through the mail! No waiting for three days to get my new Squall jacket! But the glow wore off quickly. The selection doesn't come close to what the catalog offers, and I haven't seen anything from the LE Home Store at Sears either.

The article says the phone call center will close June 5. I have A LOT of ordering to do before then.

If L.L.Bean screws up like this, I'm sunk.

New Additions...When I Can

My computer is still resisting my attempts to fix Moveable Type. Why is this is important to you? Because I cannot update my Blog Roll until I get to another computer. There are several blogs missing over there on the left that need to be added. Our House, Nihlist in Golf Pants, EckerNet, Smoothing Plane, What If, and Speed Gibson among others.

Today I was made aware of another mandatory addition: Gall and Wormwood. I am very excited to see long-time reader and commenter, Aelfheld, start up his own blog. I love his sense of humor, and I'm in awe of his intelligence. I'd be willing to bet that it won't take him long to get the notice of the blogosphere and leave me coughing in his dust...but my mother always taught me not to bet on a sure thing. Just remember to wave on your way by, Aelfheld. Congratulations!

Dog Update

For those of you who were interested in a follow-up on Hoocher (TiVO "Desperate Housewives", dear, I've GOT to go see if Cathy has pinged lately!), we got a call from the veternarian yesterday morning.

His growth turned out to be a mass cell tumor. I believe that was what he called it. It is not malignant, but has the potential to become so. He may never get another one, or we may see them popping up again soon. Hard to tell. Treatment options range from chemo to Prednisone to keep an eye out for more and we'll remove 'em as we find 'em.

We're going with the last option. The vet indicated that it was a good choice; Hoocher may never have another problem with this again, or he might. If they show up, chances are we can have them removed. (The tumor didn't go too deep into subcutaneous layers) They could turn into a rapidly growing tumor, in which case it's hard to get ahead of them anyway.

So overall...not horrible news. Poor Hoocher. I'll be dragging him back to the clinic for tissue samples every time I see a bug bite.

The rest of the weekend went fairly well. I have a wrap-up over at the MAWB Squad.

Note for Aelfheld: I don't know if you've seen this, but I know you of all people will have a fully-developed horror of the travesty involved.

Whoot!

I know stuff. But what's more important...I know people. Look what my connections (and a begging email) scored for the MAWB Squad:

An original Chris Muir design for our blog! How cool is that?!

Unfortunately, I'm not a whiz with blog templates, or it would be up over at the MAWB site right now.

Chris refused to take any payment for his design, but he DOES have a PayPal button along with a store where you can get cool DaybyDay stuff! You know what to do. Do it at the link.

A Fine Day

Another fabulous do-nothing day for the denizens of The Outpost. Well, most of us. The VP went to work; somebody has to keep us in mint ice cream.

The rest of us drove into the city for lunch at Famous Dave's. The Senator ordered ribs. Watching that boy attack his food made Serengeti lions dining on water buffalo look like debutants at a tea party. We had to count fingers when we left to make sure nothing got caught in the nashing vortex.

After lunch, in which we made Famous Dave's eligible to become a high priority on the Superfund site list, we went to the Golden Valley Humane Society. We're on a kick, lately, to go gawk at the less fortunate. The boys begged for a cat. I told them if they could both do long division by the end of the month, they could get two cats. I love making the rules.

We left the shelter and made a quick stop at Lund's before heading home. The boys headed straight for the bakery and I had to break the suction to get their faces off the glass panels.

"Can we get a doughnut?"

Hmmm...I don't know. Remember back in December, that one Thursday night when you didn't finish your dinner? I don't think I can reward that by buying sugary treats.

Again, I love making the rules. You should have seen their faces. The woman behind the counter came around and gave each of them a cookie. I made them share with me.

See! See! This is why I need a new computer. Besides Moveable Type troubles, I'm now being shooed away by The VP who has to make some "calls" to his "brothers" and the "call list" is in the computer. As soon as I figure out what the Masons actually do, (besides control the world monetary supply and fix elections) I'm going to expose it here. Bookmark me now.

More later if I'm not found dead in some remote field.

Girls, Girls, Girls

The MAWB Squad is underway! I'll still be posting here, but check out our group blog at its temporary home. (Domain purchase is in progress - we'll have a final home soon.)

I cannot thank DC from Brainstorming enough for bringing a wistful thought to fruition!

It's Almost Friday Humor

From my buddy, Gary:

THE PROBLEM WITH HIGH URINALS

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the local race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and
began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-
endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You
must be in the fourth grade."

"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the
seventh."

Posted by Cathy at 07:09 PM | Comments (1)

Our Patient

Hoocher is home and doing well. He'd be doing great if he'd just stop licking the suture site. If he doesn't stop, we're heading back to the vet's office for the Collar of Shame.

Gross, isn't it? Although I'm not sure it is any more disgusting than the fact that the bottom of my feet are so dry and rough that they snag on the carpet when I walk across the room. I feel like I'm wearing 30 grit sandpaper socks.

Good thing you're done with lunch, eh?

Monday By Any Other Name Would Seem As Eternally Long

Like Lileks, we're having dog health concerns today at The Outpost. Our beloved Hoocher has had a small growth on his side for a couple of weeks. It started off looking like a scrape that wouldn't heal. It now looks like a strange sort of wart. The vet took a tissue sample today, and the preliminary peep under the microscope came back with the conclusion that all was not as it should be.

So poor Hoocher goes under the knife tomorrow to remove the growth. And he's having his teeth cleaned. If the growth turns out to be cancer, he's going to look good at the wake.

The vet didn't have any conclusions as to what it might be, but he didn't sound morose about it, so I'm not going to be either. But it's hard not to think of the possibilities and what life might be like around here without a dog. Who's going to howl at the UPS guy for me and leave short, gray hairs all over the furniture? Although I hear Mark Dayton might be looking for a job.

Aside from losing the companionship, I'd miss the feeling of security I get from having a dog around. Not that I need to worry. The Outpost is equipped with all the latest in high-tech surveillance equipment and has several beefy security agents on the payroll. Like this guy:

Right now The Senator and his friend are beating the poor thing like a rented mule. Good thing I fed Rex before company came.

Now I'm off to try and get The Senator and his friend to bed. I love sleep-overs. I get to be so dishonest. "No, kids. I couldn't find the tent. I'm pretty sure I loaned it to someone this summer and didn't get it back. Sorry. Guess you'll just have to camp out on the livingroom floor without it."

Finally: Best wishes and speedy recovery to the First Mate!

This Thing Of Ours

The idea of a MOB-chick blog has taken on a life of its own. We have a hostess (thank you, DC!), some names suggested, and men running scared. Poor Doug and Craig...say good-bye to your final nights of peaceful sleep.

Jo has proposed my favorite name so far: MAWB Squad. Minnesota Alliance of Women Bloggers. We're still taking name suggestions, and if anyone would care to take a dabble at a logo for us...we know how to show our appreciation.

After a suggestion bySisyphus, I started thinking about how big this could get. Calendars, t-shirts, our own radio television show...you think the boys at Powerline get some air time? Bwah ha ha ha ha! Brains, pajamas and cleavage, gentlemen - it's a winning combination.

I guess I better go see if I can figure out Typepad before I start on my course of world domination.

One must always have goals though.

This Is Sad News

Jo's boarding up the Attic. Now who's going to wear pajamas with me to the next MOB gathering? I'll miss you, Jo.

DC and I were swapping emails the other day about how we envy group blogs because there's less pressure on one individual to post daily. Maybe it's time to start a group blog for the women of the MOB? Ellen? Ms. Penguin? Would you be interested in contributing? Maybe we could even tease an occasional post out of an actual Northern Alliance member! Although Spitbull might implode if Eloise ever got out of the habit of posting at her own site.

I will even offer to pay all associated costs (design, hosting, etc.) if we can get this thing going. I would love it if someone else, however, will be responsible for technical knowledge and upkeep. There are (cough) a few, small membership requirements:

Political viewpoints must not fall into the extreme far-right or far-left spectrums.

You must be able to hold your liquor.

You must show up to at least one MOB event in your pajamas.

Hey! I've even got an idea for a great name! Taking our cue from Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (GLOW), we could be the Gorgeous Ladies of Blogging...or maybe not. We'll work on it.

What We Did NOT Do Today

Just in case The VP is reading...

Today we did NOT drive to Cold Stone Creamery for lunch.

The Senator did NOT have a concoction of mint ice cream and gummy bears.

The Governor did NOT yell "Whadda ya got there, son?" at the lady walking out with an ice cream cake.

We did NOT drive to the Humane Society to look at the dogs and cats.

The boys did NOT spend an hour trying to convince me we needed a cat.

As I was leaning up against a cage, a handsome gray cat did NOT walk up my arm and plop itself around my neck and cuddle with me.

I did NOT have any allergic reactions to cats today. My face looks like a TB scratch test field for unknown reasons.

We did NOT stop at McDonalds on the way home for Happy Meals.

The Governor did NOT request to watch "the Woody Pecker video" when we got home.

**************
I don't have anything to post today. We pretty much did nothing around here.

Today: All That And A Bag Of Chips

Apparently, I need to get out a little more often. Today I made banana bread and The Governor, a big carbohydrate fan, throws his arms in the air and hollers, "Banana bread! I say 'Whoot' to banana bread!"

Whoot? I'd never heard the expression before. So before writing this, I Googled the word. Aside from being featured prominently in a song called, "Silly Ho" by TLC, (and I assume that's not where the lad discovered it)the word seems to be a modern replacement for "Awesome!" or such similar exclamations.

I'd feel a bit peeved about having a toddler reinforce just how un-hip I am, but it'll come back to haunt him later. When he's in high school, and his buddies come over, I'll throw a "Whoot" or two into the conversation, and he'll die of shame because that was soooo 2005.

The other big thing I missed today was hearing that Senator Mark Dayton has decided against running for re-election in 2006. Everyone else has covered it, so I don't have anything to add.

Except, perhaps..."Whoot!"

More Complaining. Were You Expecting Anything Else?

It never fails, does it? I get a nice link from one of the top MOBsters, and his readers head over to see what the fuss is all about...and I haven't posted in days. No one home. Sorry.

Thank you, Craig, for all the kind words.

And why haven't I posted? It is not for want of material. But my blog, much like my second son, seems to be possessed. Moveable Type is the only application on my computer that is affected. Parts of it just won't work. To get this post to show up, I'll be emailing my dad to have him refresh it on his computer. And The VP positively frowns on the idea that I need an entirely new machine just to blog.

Spoil sport.

So blogging is getting to be a hassle, and I'm thinking of throwing in the towel. Anyone want a weekend blogger for their site? I could fill up some space while you're out raking the yard or visiting the in-laws. And no one would probably even associate my dribble with your blog anyway. No one remembers weekend commentators. Can you name the person who reads the teleprompter for the evening news on Sundays? Think about it. You can get back to me anytime. I'm not going anywhere. Except, perhaps, back to BlogSpot. Oh, the humanity!

I had a really scathing paragraph about the English guy that plays in my Monday night soccer league, but I'm too beat. I think I'll go join The Governor for a nap. I just took this picture.

One day, sixteen years from now, he'll be in the same position, but it'll be a beer bottle, instead of a Tippee cup. Oh they grow up so fast.

Test

Still working out problems.

I Do More Before 9 AM...

My computer is still misbehaving, the laundry room floor was flooded this morning, and The Senator threw up because he was coughing so hard. That means I have been fiddling with the computer (unsuccessfully), mopping floors, carrying rugs outside, scrubbing the bathroom trash can (my son, next time aim for the toilet), and cleaning up various drips and spills. All by 7:30 a.m. Damn if I don't feel accomplished.

Want to know why this isn't getting me down? Nothing could quell...well, I shouldn't set myself up like that...almost nothing could quell my high spirits because yesterday I found these:

Can you say "Suck the fun out of a birthday party?" Bwah ha ha ha ha! I can't wait to give these to someone.

I found them at The Science Museum of Minnesota. My mom treated me to a day out for my birthday, so we headed to St. Paul and checked out the sites. We saw the ice sculptures, or what was left of them. While we were perusing this fine collection of stalagmites, we notices a small crowd in one end of Rice Park. We headed over.

A press conference! The article doesn't mention that Patty Wetterling introduced Ms. Bancroft. My mom was very excited to see Patty in person. She would have voted for Patty but the nuisance of living in the wrong district prevented it. As the speaker before Patty started talking about "caring" and "concern for others" (I may have the phrases wrong; as a good Republican, I tuned it out), I put my arm around my mom. "These are your people!" She smiled. Life isn't easy being the only confirmed Democrat in the family. I suspect my sister, but she's rather evasive.

After the park, we ate at The St. Paul Hotel and headed over to The Science Museum. We watched the Omni Theater show (Kilimanjaro) and checked out the mechanical T-Rex skeleton on display in the lobby. For a buck, you get two minutes to press buttons that move various parts of the skeleton. I had a great time swinging the head down low and snapping the jaws at a little boy who wandered over to watch. He loved it too. Once he was sure his mom was right behind him.

It was a great day. We finished up with a trip to IKEA. It was facinating to go there, but definitely not my kind of shop. Lots of furniture and household goods with clean lines and a limited choice of colors. Sweden, apparently, has never heard of the jewel tones. Not the place to go if you want cherry wood cabinets, but if you're going for the doctor's office look with white and stainless steel...this is your Eden.

I'm now listening to The Senator. The coughing has subsided. He's giggling at a cartoon. I think it's time to go and break the bad news that I can still get him to his classroom. He'll only be an hour behind.

If you think he's going to be unhappy when he hears that, wait until he opens his Albert Einstein action figure for his birthday.

Early Childhood: The R-Rated Version

The Governor and I started a new session of our Early Childhood Class today. Most of the people enrolled are repeats from last session, but a few new faces graced the playroom. And new faces mean another round of silly Get-To-Know-Each-Other games.

Today, when the parents split off from the kids, we had to play some sort of BINGO equivalent. We got a piece of paper with twelve squares; each square had a brief description in it, and we had to find someone in the room to match the description.

Someone who went on vacation last year.

Someone who has a budget and sticks to it.

Someone who works outside the home.

Someone who enjoys staying home.

Someone who tries to eat healthy.

You get the idea. The game served its purpose. We all had to get up out of our chairs (to my chagrin) and actually go talk to each other. But I couldn't help thinking that if we REALLY wanted to get to know each other...the squares should have been filled with descriptions like

Someone with a lot of credit card debt.

Someone who didn't put out for their spouse last weekend.

Someone who fed their kids hot dogs three nights in a row.

Someone who regularly steals office supplies.

Someone who had to have friends tell her what she did at the party because she doesn't remember anything after the body shots.

Now those are some folks I'd be willing to get out of my chair to get to know better.

A Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

Comments are back? I KNEW that would work. I just sent off a wordy email to Verve Hosting asking a bunch of dumb questions. Cool. Now let's see if I can post, and whether this will show up on my site within a day or two. Yee-ha!

UPDATE: Ooh. Oooh! This post showed up in a matter of minutes instead of hours. Moveable Type still doesn't refresh my screen when I save posts, but I can live with this. Thank you, to all who ran over a squirrel for me on the way to work this morning. The gods are listening.

Arrrrrggggghhhhh, she explained

The Chairman continues to struggle with a computer problem that is keeping her from posting. She asks for your forbearance and the name of an especially nice Chardonnay.

Happy Birthday To Me

I clicked to see the comments on the last post and got this:

If you are seeing this web page it's because Moveable Type comments have been disabled on the server your site is hosted on. The server was hit so hard by Moveable Type spammers that either the load on the server is out of control or it crashed and had to be rebooted. All mt-comment.cgi files will be disabled until the spam attack stops.

There are options you can take to prevent this from happening again:

1. Use moderated comments. The newest version of Moveable Type allows you to pre-approve comments before they are posted.

2. "Hide" your Moveable Type installations. Spammers are scanning for /cgi-bin/mt/mt-comments.cgi or /mt/mt-comments.cgi. Installing Moveable Type in a different folder may make it more difficult for spammers to find it.

3. Convert your Moveable Type weblog to a different weblog such as Word Press or Expression Engine that's not susceptible to spam bots.

4. Rename your mt-comments.cgi file. In your mt.cfg file there is a line that reads:

# CommentScript mt-comments.pl

Uncomment the line (remove the '#'), then enter a new name for your comments script, for example, words.cgi or no-comments.cgi. The new line would look like this:

CommentScript newcomments.cgi

Then make a copy of the mt-comments.cgi file and give it the same name as your new comments script. Make sure the file is executable (chmod 755) and upload it to your moveable type directory. Delete the mt-comments.cgi file.

If you have any questions please email them to support (@) vervehosting.com

Verve Hosting

Perhaps this explains all the voodoo. I guess comments are gone, as I have no clue how to implement any of the above suggestions.

What a great way to start the day.