Or a surreal one. Take your pick. The Governor and I went to Southdale Mall and tried to shorten the Christmas gift list. We met with limited success, but overall we were in a good mood because The Gov once again passed up the opportunity to sit on Santa's lap. I realize Santa has been fingerprinted and put through a background check, but it still makes the muscles around my spine clench to think of my little boy sitting on a strange man's lap.
But every year I offer. And, bless him, every year The Governor declines. So after watching some hapless toddler get enveloped in red velvet, we decided to go have a snack in the food court.
We took our food to a small table, just a few seats removed from a nice-looking old man, and enjoyed our fare. Half-way through our meal, the old man got up, dumped his trash, and came back to chat. Sure. What the heck.
He told me that he likes to walk at the Mall of America, but this place was closer. We noted how many stores seem to have come and gone. Remember Donaldson's? Carson Pirie Scott? He showed me his cat's eye ring. And then he asked me if I did any housekeeping.
Wasn't expecting that one. I told him I did, but only at home, and the quality level was questionable at that.
Then he explained that he was looking for someone to do a little house cleaning for him.
Sorry. Can't help. But it never hurts to ask.
The old man walked away, and two minutes later, The Governor bit his finger. Apparently he had a little trouble distinguishing exactly where French fry ended and flesh began. He howled. And howled. And cried. And sobbed.
And all I can think is How friggen hard can you possibly bite a French fry?
The sobbing continued ("It hurts! It hurts! It's never gonna heal!") from the food court to the parking lot to Grandma's house. Fortunately Grandma lives nearby. At Grandma's we soaked the finger in cold water and after half an hour of SpongeBob, he decided he just might pull through after all.
I live in fear of the day the boy actually breaks skin and needs a stitch or two. Nothing short of a Level I trauma center is going to do.
Of course the brightest spot in the day was realizing that we get to repeat it all again on Friday because we didn't finish our shopping.
Oh yeah, baby.
Posted by Cathy at December 6, 2006 08:43 PMI STILL bite my tongue.
Posted by: chris Muir at December 6, 2006 09:22 PMAs long as you're at the mall, could you do my shopping for me too?
Posted by: Kevin at December 7, 2006 01:06 AMYou know, the Mall Diva mentioned something about sensing a disturbance in the Force.
Posted by: Night Writer at December 7, 2006 10:52 AMThis is still WAY to early to start shopping. Gotta wait until at least the 22nd. And then it's gift cards baby!
Posted by: Chris H at December 7, 2006 01:02 PMToo bad I don't live in Hutchinson anymore and do the Santa Gig. I could prove my bakcground check and give you many references form the dozens of Scouts and parents who took the pictures to the almost 100 homes I visited in 3 years.
If you should need a Santa picture may I suggest the gentleman in Saint Cloud. I can't vouch for his prurity but he has been there forever and I spent an hour and a half watching him and he is one of the best I have seen.
Posted by: Stan at December 7, 2006 02:21 PM