Cathy in the Wright

Warts And All

Yesterday I took The Senator to see the family doctor. He has had some small bumps on his upper lip for years, but lately they seem to have spread to his cheek and arms. Our doctor seemed to think they are warts. She noticed a few larger warts on The Senator's thumb and declared that we needed to treat these as well. She looked at me and at The Governor. "Do you two have any?"

Welllll....yes. I have one on my right hand. The Gov has two on his finger.

"We'll treat you all right now." She leaves and returns with the cannister of doom. She's gonna freeze 'em.

She zapped everyone's warts a couple of times and then coated them with some sort of toxin. "Poison," she said, "Don't put your fingers near your mouth.'

The whole process was uncomfortable, but we got through it. We got our band-aids, our suckers, and left.

In the car, the boys start complaining. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. And being a nurturing mother, I said, "Oh suck it up."

A few hours later, I'm fixing dinner and bumped my covered wart on the edge of the kitchen counter. Oh. Wow. Vision blurred. Eyes watered. Stomach lurched. I dropped to my knees. And I have a high tolerance for pain.

Dinner was a quiet affair. I didn't talk at all. But when the boys didn't want to finish their meal, I said, "Go scrape your plates into the dog dish."

They hung their heads, and The Senator asked in a quivering voice, "Does this mean we don't get any dessert?"

"No. You get dessert."

"We do?!"

"Yes. I owe you one."

And so the night of July 13th will live in infamy here at The Outpost. A pencil eraser-sized wart brought Mom to her knees and a Rule was Broken.

And if this wretched wart grows back, I may be forced to amputate at the wrist. It has to be less painful.

Posted by Cathy at July 14, 2006 09:51 AM