Halloween was a moderate success. The Senator and The Governor and I drove into my parents' neighborhood and solicited up and down the block with the rest of the Ninja Turtles, Barbies, and other assorted officially licensed characters. Thanks to my mother-in-law's sewing skills (read: I have none), my boys were beautifully turned out as an Indian (genuine turkey feather stuck in the back of the headband) and Bat Boy. Not Bat Man. Bat Boy. Don't make the mistake of confusing the two as I did.
The first few houses were a little rough. I had to explain the mechanics of how the candy actually makes it into the bucket more than once. When I was young, one house would have done the trick. These kids today...no fire in the belly. No staying out until porch lights were turned off in your face. No trying to go back three times to the house handing out full-sized Snickers. No hauling home a pillowcase so full of treats that back ligaments were strained.
The good old days.
The Senator did warm up to the task fairly quickly. And half way down the block, The Governor got the hang of candy racketeering. He started ringing door bells. He hollered out "Trick or Treat." He even started remembering to say "Thank you." Sometimes. He marched up one driveway and announced, "I've got this one covered!"
But it was his lack of manners that may have made this his last Halloween. When we arrived at Old Mrs. D's house (who must be about 120 years old because I swear she was nearly 80 when I was little), the swine in him came out in full force. Mrs. D was handing out apples. The Senator, bless him, took one look at the apple, shrugged, put it in his bucket and said Thanks. The Governor threw her a look of pure disdain and hollered, "That's not candy!"
Next year there will be blood oaths swearing to uphold high standards of etiquette before I take his little bat bottom out again.
Posted by Cathy at November 1, 2005 08:07 AMOooh, I bought one for Sadie. And it worked so well I barely put it on her anymore.
You can borrow it if you need.
Just imagine SIX levels of "stimulation". Range of 1 mile. Maximum "stimulation" of 9 seconds.
I know you are salivating at the thought.
Posted by: Kevin at November 1, 2005 10:40 PMI'm with the Governor. If you don't want to hand out candy on Halloween, don't turn on your porch light. Since when has a kid turned away from a life of cavity chasing by the receipt of a piece of fruit on Halloween? It's nastiness, plain and simple.
The only reasonable explanation is that she's senile. Or a real witch.
Posted by: Eloise at November 2, 2005 02:54 PMSenile, no, far from it. She's a genuinely nice neighbor in her mid 90s who is mentally alert and physically active. So, she gave out apples! One year, we offered grilled hot dogs and cider, after which the chairman and her mortified siblings faked sickness the next day, so they wouldn't have to face their classmates. Our neighbor was last seek briskly circumnavigating our block and not riding a bicycle with Toto in a hamper on the back fender.
Posted by: Professor at November 2, 2005 03:58 PM