Yesterday was the final game of one of my soccer leagues. As is our custom, the two Germans on the team, the goalie, and I went out to dinner afterwards. Lately we've been hitting Red Robin because this joint added french fries to the Free Refills list. Also important: no charge for a side of mayo. The Germans hate paying extra for mayo, which is their favorite french fry condiment. Take one thick slab of fried potato, swab it through the mayo, and then plunge it into a pile of ketchup and eat. No wonder they keep losing wars.
After the guys got their appetizers (fries), we started talking about attractive members of the opposite sex. I told them how I went over to my neighbor's house on Saturday to help her take down some old barbed wire fencing and clear some pasture. She had a couple of college-aged guys there helping out - they worked for her husband - and well, it was not horrible watching them bend and grunt and sweat while trying to yank out some stubborn buckthorn.
I added that while it was certainly nice to watch, or even ogle, there was no amount of money in the world that would make me go beyond looking. This led to a round of Indecent Proposal type questions. How much money would it take...? I asked the table: how much money would it take for you to kiss another guy? And I don't mean a peck on the cheek or a nano-second blind pucker. Tongue must be involved.
Interesting answers. The goalie would have turned down the winning ticket for the recent Powerball lottery. German No. 1 said it would depend, but that there probably would be a price, albeit very high. And German No. 2 said, "$3,892.56. That's how much it's going to cost me for my new windows and door. You give me that much money, I'll french kiss the goalie right now."
We had to change the topic in order to get the goalie to come back to the table. But it made me wonder about some of the other men I know...what's your price?
Posted by Cathy at October 24, 2005 08:19 AMYou're not recruiting for a cruise by the gay Vikings players, are you?
Posted by: Sisyphus at October 24, 2005 10:17 AMNo, Sisyphus. No need to recruit when I've got a telephone, a Visa card, and the names of some talent agencies in Atlanta.
C'mon, Aelfheld...fess up. No getting off the hook with a wink and a nod.
Posted by: Cathy at October 24, 2005 05:50 PMThe price would vary according to the level of repulsiveness.
Let me put it this way: Michael Moore would cost more than an Alaskan bridge to nowhere.
Make that two Alaskan bridges to nowhere.
Posted by: aelfheld at October 24, 2005 07:40 PMHigh five figures. Cash. In advance.
Posted by: mitch at October 25, 2005 04:51 AMWhy did you link us on the word "some" and Kevin on the word "Know". You like Kevin better than us, don't you?
Posted by: Sisyphus at October 25, 2005 07:14 PMKevin paid more for a prominent position in the sentence. I gave you a link for free, because that's how much I like you guys.
Posted by: Cathy at October 25, 2005 07:29 PMI'd probably only charge her $1000, maybe less if she was cute.
Posted by: Bob at October 26, 2005 06:14 PMOh, a guy. Well, how cute?
Posted by: Bob at October 26, 2005 06:14 PMYou guys are just jealous. Truth be told I was one of the guys she was drooling over.
My price...I don't think it's as simple as that. Number of variables involved
A) Do I know the person?
2) Will I have to encounter said person again?
C) How public is this kiss?
4) How long would it have to last?
If you want just a ballpark number:
Five figures, a bottle of mouthwash, 12 beers, and a female supermodel of your choice.
It would all depend on the person in question. Now a guy like Kevin would require you to back a dump truck, no...make that a semi-trailer, wait...you would have to back an oil tanker full of money up to my door to even consider it.
On the other hand, if you were talking about a hunk of burning love like David Strom, the price would be much lower.
Posted by: the elder at October 27, 2005 02:49 PMNow you're just being silly.
I mean seriously, how do you plan on backing an oil tanker up to your house?
Posted by: Kevin at October 27, 2005 05:54 PM