Cathy in the Wright

Monkey See; Plants Do!

It’s proof time in the hullabaloo over the theory of evolution versus creationism. Witness this denouement, first hand, in our driveway, say, in about two weeks. Bleachers are being erected as I write, and ticket prices will be announced presently.

This proof-positive occasion will be more crucial to the controversy than even the Scopes (monkey) trial in Dayton, Tenn., in 1925—an oratorical collision between William Jennings Bryan striking blows for intelligent design and Clarence Darrow with a chimp on his shoulder.

Given the currently low level of discourse on the topic, it’s entirely appropriate that the issue will be resolved, once and for all, not by animal life, but by plant life.

The Green Goddess spent the winter sprouting flowers from seeds under fluorescent lights in our basement—a task accomplished, thankfully, without a midnight raid by federal agents concerned about other forms of plant life emerging under bright lights.

In April, our seedlings were transplanted into pots and placed on the driveway to catch sun and rain—a temporary home prior to planting. In a normal climate, they would have been snug in their flower bed for weeks. However, in Minnesota—and especially this year—freezing temperatures and even sleet remain a threat into the second half of May. Thus, our plants remain potted, and the continuing threat of frost means they must be carried into the garage every night and returned to sunlight (overcast skies, really) every morning.

That’s been going on for about a month, now, and we are anticipating that, in two more weeks, those plants will be so darn sick of being hauled in and out of the garage that—if evolution is the correct theory—their roots will begin evolving into feet, and they will walk themselves into and out of the garage. Then, only one question will remain. Will these plants begin sprouting arms instead of branches? If so, would the next step, mastery of the electronic garage opener, be a sign of further evolution—or intelligent design?

Come witness the walking of the potted plants. See it decided whether evolution is—or is not—monkey business!

Posted by Professor at May 17, 2005 10:53 AM