Well, it’s official. I’m a soccer mom. While I’ve been playing the sport for years, today I got to drive The Senator to his first practice. I guess the pollsters will be calling night and day now to find out my opinions on world stability and social security.
This morning we did our usual stint at the nursing home. The fire alarm kept going off which meant LOCKDOWN! Nurses and aides glide through each wing shutting all the bedroom doors. If there ever is a real fire, all these wheelchair-bound, bed-ridden, elderly people are escaping through their windows, I guess. Good thing there isn’t a second floor to the place.
This afternoon, after soccer, we went to swimming lessons. The Governor and I usually sit in the stands and watch as The Senator practices his back floats. Today The Gov decided to put on a pair of purple swim goggles and sell bratwurst to the rest of the parents in the bleachers. He made a killing. Who’s going to say no to a crazy midget in purple eyewear selling pretend food?
And speaking of crazies…The VP showed me his latest purchase yesterday: a little Smith and Wesson .38 Special.
I didn’t know a gun could be adorable. It looks like something Super Size Barbie would carry in her purse next to the cell phone. The Senator’s SuperSoaker could probably deliver a bigger punch.
If somebody breaks into our house, I’m not convinced this hunk of metal is going to put the fear of God into him. This isn’t to say it’s completely ineffective. Apparently the goal is to get the intruder laughing so hard he has to double over and catch his breath. Then, while he’s bent at the waist, you whack him in the back of the head with a real weapon, like the cast-iron frying pan.
Or your wife goes for the 12 gauge shotgun you bought her for a wedding present.
As my favorite superhero says, “Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so.”
Posted by Cathy at May 3, 2005 10:18 PMZed carries a 9mm Glock model 17. Sam carries a pocket Glock 9mm Model 26. The VP needs to pack a little more authority into his arguments. ;-)
Posted by: aelfheld at May 4, 2005 12:41 AMBuying 38 for personnel protection? You should have the VP checked for a testosterone deficiency. The shotgun is a great idea, the old saying that close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades--you can add shotguns to that also.
Posted by: DaveP at May 4, 2005 05:13 PMDefinitely shotgun for home defense. Clean-up's a bit messier, though (although Cathy's dogs might come in handy again.)
Posted by: Night Writer at May 5, 2005 03:29 PMI wanna be ElastiGirl. She is the rockingest mom ever! "Throw me, Bob. Throw me!" (sigh)
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