Cathy in the Wright

My First Meme

Well, honored readers, I apologize for the absence. Life has been a bit hectic here at The Outpost. The Governor is battling strep throat, and after a trip to the ER at 2 a.m. Wednesday night Thursday morning, we discovered that The Senator had an ear infection.

Sleep has been low on the priority list, but it is still ahead of blogging. What little spare time I've had has been spent trying to fall asleep faster than a narcoleptic drunk. So far, I haven't had much success. Currently, I'm operating on nearly five hours of sleep. Not bad, but don't leave me comments about spelling or grammar mistakes. Just take it for granted that I actually know better.

Today I had a chance to read up on a few blogs. To my dismay, young Kevin has decided to serve me ill by foisting one of these "meme" things upon your humble blogger here. Normally I'd just ignore it like a prostate health email spam, but since I made a spectacle about being left off his Most Admired list or something like that...I'm stuck. On to the meme.

Here are the rules:

Immediately following there is a list of 20 different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them (feel free to select more). You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.

For example, if the selected occupation was "linguist," you might take the phrase "If I could be a linguist...I would learn Hebrew, Greek, Russian, Italian and Chinese." See how easy that is?

Here's the list:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...

And here, friends, are my answers. I would like to remind the reading audience again...5 hours of sleep.

If I could be a scientist...I’d add a few more elements to the periodic table until we reach the nice round number of 120.
If I could be a farmer...I’d raise koala bears. Koalas are cool and I bet they taste good too.
If I could be a musician...I’d try and take credit for The Moldau.
If I could be a doctor…I’d be a forensic pathologist. I’d hate working with live, whining, complaining patients.
If I could be a painter...I’d be a surrealist and paint stuff like this.
If I could be a gardener...I’d cross-pollinate a Venus Flytrap with cat nip and get some mutant plant that would attract and then eat the feral cat that has been using my flowerbed as a litter box.
If I could be a missionary...I’d dedicate my life to evangelizing those heathens in Hawaii.
If I could be a chef...I’d have my own TV show. It would be called Micro Rave, and it would be all about food you can put on the table in under four minutes.
If I could be an architect...I’d finally complete my dream of turning a stone church into a single family home.
If I could be a linguist...I’d be able to speak Italian, like all good MOB members should.
If I could be a psychologist...I’d have my license taken away for constantly using phrases like “Get over yourself” and “It IS your fault” and “Oh grow up.”
If I could be a librarian...I’d hang around the library computers and try to embarrass the fourteen-year-old boys who come in to surf for naughty web sites.
If I could be an athlete...I’d like to get a huge contract for endorsing St. Pauli Girl beer.
If I could be a lawyer...I’d tell people I was an athlete.
If I could be an innkeeper...I would never have that stupid sign in the bathrooms that says, ‘Please think about conservation! A towel on the rack means “I’ll use it again.” A towel on the floor means “Please leave me a clean one.”’
If I could be a professor...I’d like to work at Hillsdale College.
If I could be a writer...I’d add a Paypal button on this blog.
If I could be a llama-rider...I’d try to get Schlotzsky's to be my sponsor. Then people would call my beast the Deli Llama.
If I could be a bonnie pirate...I’d make my parrot wear the wooden leg.
If I could be an astronaut...I’d want to try doin’ it in the zero gravity chamber.

Thus ends the game. Technically, I think I'm supposed to name three people and spam it forward.

But I would never do that to Aelfheld. Or Ellen. Or YaYa. That would be evil.

Posted by Cathy at April 22, 2005 08:22 PM