Cathy in the Wright

Scrooge Shops

I spent today trying to trim down my Christmas shopping list. The effort felt much like having your toddler pee on a forest fire to extinguish the blaze. Well, perhaps not quite that futile. I was able to scratch off a few items.

I decided to hit the stores that I would least like to visit AFTER Thanksgiving. And topping that list was Toys ‘R’ Us. Actually, it was second on the list, right after Wal-Mart. But since I don't shop at Wal-Mart, I faced the toy behemoth.

As it turns out, Toys ‘R’ Us IS Wal-Mart… just without the deodorant aisle. Crowded, messy, and under-staffed. As I was perusing the toddler section, I came across someone having a worse time than I was, although not for the same reasons. Gazing at the "Little Tikes” toys was a tall, thin, white-haired woman with a pinched face and a long overcoat. With some black in her hair and a Dalmatian stuffed in her pocket, she could have passed for Cruella De Ville. She was waiving her claw at the toys and bleating, “I know there’s a toy store in St. Paul that’s supposed to be just fabulous! It doesn’t have all this plastic stuff.” She was talking to a man (her husband, I think…and I shudder on his behalf) who ignored her and looked at the hideous plastic wares for sale. “Well,” she continued, “I guess she’s going to want this. It’s what all the other kids will have, isn’t it?” At that point I backed up my cart and started to leave. Cruella turned to me and said, “Oh, I’m not frightening you away, am I?”

“No,” I said, “but it sounds like you might need a private moment when it really hits you that you’re going to buy a plastic table and chairs instead of the hand-carved tea table made from Brazilian Cherry wood with matching, upholstered seats.”

I didn’t think the skin on her face would have stretched that far, but she managed to drop her chin a few inches. I left.

I paid for my stuff, got in my car, and drove home.

I would only like to add a personal note to the two radio stations in town that are already running an “All Christmas Music” format: While I was troubled to hear holiday music before Thankgiving (think Kenny G. + flute and you’ll understand my pain), I am a forgiving sort of person. However, if I tune in and hear more than one Amy Grant song, I will take a claw hammer to my radio and send you the bill for the repair.

Happy Holidays.

Posted by Cathy at November 21, 2004 09:19 PM