Hoocher’s the dog to watch when you’re dog-watching at The Chairman’s house. Like the small gambler with a .38-caliber bulge in his jacket, he controls the big guys’ action. You have to observe carefully, however, because Hoocher, Breezy and The Crazyweiler appear to operate collegially.
By collegially, I mean the way they rush into the hallway when the back door is opened at feeding time. Breezy and the Crazyweiler play Alphonse and Gaston while Hoocher trails behind. Hoocher always stops to gaze back and wag, as if to salute your understanding of his burden of noblesse oblige toward those ruffians. He’s so in control that he need not get involved in pecking-order hassles.
Where Hoocher does get involved is when he chooses to leave food in his dish, and The Crazyweiler thinks that leftovers are up for—his—grabs. Thirty-five-pound Hoocher snarls and leaps toward 130-pound The Crazyweiler, who backs off immediately. Meanwhile, Breezy is like a crime-scene witness in a Mafia neighborhood, “She don’t see nuttin.”
And it's a crime how The Chairman treats these dogs. Why, she makes available only two innerspring mattresses for the three of them. Breezy takes the crib-size mattress, and Hoocher claims first dibs on the twin-size. The Crazyweiler is left with two options—actually, Hoocher has two options. If Hoocher occupies the top half of the mattress, he will let The Crazyweiler curl up on the bottom half. However, if Hoocher parks in the middle, Crazy slinks away to the discomfort of a blanket on the floor.
Hoocher’s use of authority reminds me of the best officers I met in the Army, 1959-1961. The true commanders were at ease in their role, which was understood and accepted. They didn’t have to raise their voices or push their rank. Those who commanded only through authority given by bars or oak-leaves on the collar felt obliged to follow the rituals of protocol. (See Major Frank Burns on a M.A.S.H. rerun.)
The waking-up is even more fascinating. Breezy comes forward for a pat on the head but defers to being muscled aside by The Crazyweiler. Hoocher remains in the background, wagging his tail and telegraphing his thoughts: “When the kids are done, we adults will talk.” He’s always so calm. But even the most natural commander obviously is called upon to discipline the unruly, and Hoocher takes naturally to this role.
I halfway expect to see Hoocher sit down, lift his paw and wait for The Crazyweiler to kiss it. Breezy? Remember, she “don’t see nuttin!”