No. Go elsewhere if you are looking for the memoirs of someone raised in a gay household.
Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful dad and my awesome father-in-law.
My Dad:
Trying to write about my father is a daunting task. Writing was his profession, first as a journalist, and then as a public relations specialist for a major corporation. He’s damn good at it. I can’t tell you the agonies my brothers and sister and I used to suffer when our homework underwent scrutiny by his professional eye. We used to dread it, because he always found something that could be improved. He was always kind; always patient, and always had a suggestion or two for how we could better our performance. And he was always right.
I will never achieve his level of writing because I don’t have the same talents that he does. So I hope this modest tribute captures my thoughts, because I know I won’t be able to do him the justice he deserves.
Here’s what makes my dad so terrific:
He’s a hands-on dad. He changed diapers. He sat up for long hours with my colicky brother. He took us to the park. He coached hockey and soccer. He made it to softball and basketball games. He took us to work with him on the weekends. He let us drive his car the same day we came home with our learner’s permits. He demanded to know where his teenagers were and had no compunction about calling our dates to find out why we were not home. (Well, my dates, anyway.) He helped us move into our first apartments or houses. He walked his daughters down the aisle. And these days he’s turned into a hands-on grandpa.
As a dad, he knew how to use discipline effectively. Hearing the words, “I’m disappointed in you,” from my dad was ten times worse than a spanking. He knew how to boost your spirits; hearing “I’m proud of you,” from him was 100 times better than a “good job” from a teacher. He knew how to make a night of television and popcorn a huge treat. He never turned down a reasonable request. And I don’t recall hearing him asking for anything for himself.
He is fair. When he would travel on business, he always came back with four bags of peanuts from the airplane. I wonder how many flight attendants were amused by the guy in 24A asking for three additional bags of pretzels because he couldn’t return home with just one. It might cause a fight.
He’s funny. He loves puns. He stretches the boundaries of humor to make them. And we groan and we claim to be embarrassed, but we’re secretly proud of him and wish we could make people roll their eyes too.
He’s smart. He’s the kind of guy a society hostess would love to have at her table because he can intelligently converse with any crowd. He’s willing to examine new points of view, but he has firm convictions on a lot of ideas. Don’t get into an argument with him if you’re unprepared; he’ll expose your ignorance. Been there.
But most of all, he’s a terrific dad because he loves us and has always made us feel that our family was the most important thing in the world to him. And I hope he knows that his kids feel the same way. Thank you, Dad!
Love,
Forever your little girl,
Cathy
My Father-in-Law:
I get a similar reaction each time a friend of mine meets my father-in-law, Sonny.
“You are SO lucky.”
For them, it’s like seeing the captain of the football team take the mousy class nerd to the prom. Somehow they just can’t believe someone that cool is hanging around with someone…not quite so deserving.
Well today I would like to say that this mousy class nerd WORKED HARD to find such a great father-in-law, and you had best keep your jealous thoughts to yourself.
Luck had nothing to do with it. I trolled eBay for months on end looking for just the right man. It was risky, and the quality was a bit like shopping at Wal-mart, so I gave up and moved on to Sotheby’s Auctions. When Sonny came up for bid, I was stunned. Here was the perfect future grandfather to my kids. I could tell that from just one look on the large-screen TV. (The auction house wouldn’t let him appear on stage live; they were afraid of mobs.) I ended up in a vicious bidding war with a heart surgeon from Connecticut who was trying to replace her current model, but I called her bluff and walked away victorious. I had to sell my car and most of my belongings, but he was worth it.
I don’t think I could have picked a more considerate, thoughtful, entertaining, and generous father-in-law.
He treats me like a spoiled daughter. I never get scolded…not even when I drove the big lawn mower over the edging in the front of his house and shredded it to pieces. And my jewelry box has been filled with several beautiful gifts from his many travels.
He makes life full of surprises. He loves to pull pranks, and hates to be the victim of one. We constantly look for ways to “get” each other. But there is no one I’d rather go have a beer with more than him.
He is constantly doing things to make my life easier. Frequently, my trash bags disappear from my front porch and make it down to the dumpster. He’s rid my strawberry patch of gophers. He magically knows just when to call and ask for The Senator to come out and play…it’s always when I need a break the most.
The only drawback to having such a great father-in-law is that it’s hard to repay him for all the wonderful things he does for me. But I’m working on it. I bake cookies for his fishing trips and I try to remember to bring back a pint of fried rice from our favorite Chinese restaurant whenever I’m in town. And I let him mow the lawn.
He’s mine.
He’s not for sale.
Thanks, Sonny!
Love,
Cathy